Dating a girl who lives about 40 minutes away? | Hip Forums
I've heard people saying 30 minutes away is long distance. Others say 4 hours. Others speak of different countries entirely. I usually think of it as 30 minutes. Who knows what the distance threshold is for a successful relationship? 45 minutes away allows you guys to get together during weekends (possibly meet halfway? or . Not really, the trip into town for me to get groceries is like 30 minutes. If you have been in a long distance relationship, chances are you are . My first L.D.R. was with a guy who lived five minutes away from me, but he went to college in upstate New York (about 30 minutes west of Rochester).
If you really cannot do that, then you probably should not be doing the long distance thing anyway. It can be used to communicate! Things like Skype and FaceTime make it easy to see your S. You can even see when they are ignoring you read receipts or taking too long to lie about their whereabouts! It can also, however, be a double-edged sword. Sunday morning, you log on to Facebook and gasp!
I mean, how dare they go out and meet new people! Take a breath and realize that you are not the God of your S. They WILL be in pictures and chances are you will, too. Otherwise, take a chill pill and learn to get over it. I learned that the world is a very, very big place… My first L. While Rochester is far from being an exotic locale, trips to visit my now-ex-boyfriend showed me parts of upstate New York that I never even thought about in the 17 years I spent living on Long Island.
Now, I am dating a man from northern Virginia who takes trains everywhere and anywhere in the country, and it has given much such a lust for travel. Whether you are visiting your S. While I am sure that I still have a lot to learn in the way of relationships long-distance or notI can comfortably say that I have come a long way since that first train-wreck I put myself through at years-old. Anybody can say they're trustworthy. Anyone can say they love you.
But you need to see it to believe it.
Real genuine trust is shown in a person's actions, not just words. In long distance relationships, you see each other so infrequently that it's tough to build up that trust. You visit each other, then go back to your separate lives, without a clue what the other person is doing while you're away for the next 5 weeks. How are you supposed to build long lasting trust?
Not in every case, but in many. Let's face the facts: Your significant other is miles and miles away, you're lonely and depressed about it, and there are tons of single people in the town where you live.
Statistically, you're probably going to think about cheating. Unlike cheating when your significant other lives down the block, cheating in long distance relationships is slightly understandable.
Cheating is terrible, and I highly suggest not doing it to anyone. Most people would only be able to hold out for so long before the arms of somebody way more convenient and local start looking real good.
If you're one of the good ones, you'll end your long distance relationship before it comes to the cheating stage. But it's easy to be tempted if you're thinking there's no way your significant other will find out about your straying.
Frustration Leads to Fighting. Fighting Leads to Break Ups. This is so much fun!
Relationship on a distance?
How about you move into a more open relationship. If you feel like talking to him or seeing him, you do, but you're open to other things? Other people, other situations. The amount of time you are investing in this versus what you're getting out of it is asymmetrical.
It's not worth it. You're too close to the situation to see it.
Is 30 minute drive too long distance for a relationship?
Let's just say that I'll be surprised if you're still together next year. I'll be even MORE surprised if you remember his name in I put up with that mess for too long. Don't you do the same. You are not being unreasonable. His family comes first. His comfort zone comes second. His electronic toys come third. Please, please, please accept that this is not good. He doesn't want to change. You won't ever move up the list in importance until he wants to change.
I am so sorry - being car-less and in university and in a relationship stinks, all around. But if your significant other doesn't try to make it less sucky. Don't let your immediate inclination to turn the finger of blame on yourself negate or gloss over an important observation about the qualities both good and bad that he is bringing to your relationship.
Does being smart, creative, and interesting trump being stubborn and inflexible in the long run? But the objective fact of the matter is that his stubbornness and inflexibility are currently creating significant roadblocks to your ability to spend time together right now, AND he has indicated very clearly that he doesn't actually care that you are unhappy about it and is uninterested in finding a solution.
All of this is part of the same package, and will continue to be part of the same package. If he's truly worried about you doing so much traveling, then he'd 1 get in the damn car and come see you for a weekend or 2 get a job, buy his own car and come see you for a weekend.
Where there are a lot of other young handsome men who are actually caring and generous. It can be hard to end young love, but if his attitude is truly his-way-or-the-highway, it's time to cut things off.
He doesn't let you spend money to be with him.
Is 40 minutes really that bad? - relax-sakura.info Community Forums
When you're the only one in a relationship who is looking for ways for you to spend time together, you really need to question the relationship. Find someone closer or who is more flexible. You're not a priority for him at all. And as someone who has a phobia about getting my license, too Because it sounds like, and i'm aware i'm being completely uncharitable here, that he pretty much wants a sometimes girlfriend.
With the sometimes being whenever he's in the mood. If he has to stray even an inch from his path he's lost interest because that's not the point. This dude is hoping to have the platter of food brought to his table, and have someone else actually place it in his mouth. Whenever he rings the bell. And yet, there's also a really shitty tiresome element of "pride" and machismo here with the "NO, don't pay for anything, that makes me feel and look bad because i'm the man and i'm supposed to be paying for shit!
I don't read this as embarassment or feeling bad about not having money or a job at all, especially with how unwilling he is to actually work for anything. I would maybe be willing to associate some of his unwillingness to do things with depression if it read like unwillingness to dig and pull yourself out of a hole.
But honestly, this just reads like a little kid refusing to eat anything until someone brings him pizza. And i haven't even gotten to the weird possessive shit with "don't go home alone or drive! Taken with refusing to let you pay for a trip again or anything else it's hard not to read it as some kind of "i want my girlfriend to be like this".
Not really concern or caring, but more bizarre gender roles stuff. As i said in my lead-in, i think this guy is perfectly happy with this the way it is. I bet if he suddenly got an apartment 10 minutes from your place you could walk to whenever you wanted that he'd quit answering his phone quite a bit of the time or something. If he actually gave a fuck this would look nothing like this. The time on public transit was similar. I would take the bus out to her house any time her parents allowed just to hang out with her.
Even if all we got to do was watch a couple episodes of anime and eat some pizza or have dinner with her family and hang out for another 30 minutes and then two hour bus ride home.
Whenever she could visit my town we'd hang out and i'd give her time to go hang out with her other friends in my area. I also didn't have any problem with splitting costs or her paying for stuff. And as i said above, i especially associate the "i don't want my girlfriend paying for stuff" thing with gross machismo gender roles bullshit. If he wanted to see you and actually gave a shit about you he'd be the one dismissing the problems with renting a car even if they could potentially be serious issues because he'd be pushing them in to the back of his mind as "but it doesn't matter, i get to hang out with her!
This is not what a guy who gives a fuck looks like. And if he does give a fuck and he's that much of a plan burying negative nancy then well And once you meet a few other people who do that same "But tons of negative shit! Seriously though, i've dated shitty people.
It might take some time and distance, but eventually you'll look back on this guy and go "God, what a pathetic pile of whiny manure". He wants to impose your coupled presence on both your families a couple times a month; he won't let you help pay for things that would have a positive impact on your relationship; he won't get a job; he won't drive to you. There's a lot he's not willing to do, which makes me feel bad. That's why you feel bad, too.
He doesn't trust you to get yourself home at 6pm? Do you feel like that much of a child? Do you LIKE being seen that way? This guy isn't a good boyfriend. I agree with emptythought that machismo and pride probably have a lot to do with it, but consider that he doesn't want you to pay for stuff so that he won't feel indebted to you.
My personal experience was that my ex didn't want me to plan and pay for vacations because it "wasn't fair to me", but it ended up that he meant, "I don't feel strongly enough about you to make sacrifices, and it makes me feel guilty when you do, so don't do that.
But that's not the point, to me.
The point is, he doesn't make you happy, and frankly he doesn't sound all that interested in making you happy, either. He could be the most desirable guy in the world but if the relationship is making you miserable -- and I for one would also be miserable if the only way to get together with someone I was seeing was in a way that made me uncomfortable, because they were't willing to find a solution that worked for both of us -- then you.
Move on to someone who lights you up. Whoever that is is likely to be a lot more flexible. This just doesn't sound reasonable.
I'm going to suggest finding someone who's willing to give a little more. It's also ridiculous that he won't let you pay for any meals. And "banned" you from buying him a little vacation?
I'd dump him just for his controlling weirdness and say goodbye to the whole issue of trying to visit at the same time. I'd dump him just for his controlling weirdness Repeated for truth.
He doesn't get to allow you to do or ban you from doing anything. He may have some positives and you some negatives but it is this which causes most of us to tell you to dump him. There is no need for you to have to deal with this kind of thing. The familiar is always familiar, even if it's unhealthy, it's at least predictable. This guy doesn't care enough about you to bother making any effort to be with you and I have a question for you: If he doesn't work and doesn't have a car or go anyplace to speak of and still lives at home with his parents, what does he do with his time?
You CAN find another love, someone who will treasure you and break his neck to get to your side every chance he gets. Don't waste any more time with this character - go find someone who will be good to you. This truly is an amazing community!
I see where you all come from, but, as I say, this is just part of the relationship And I don't want to give up on it just yet.