How to Stop Being Controlling (with Pictures) - wikiHow
When you learn how to stop being controlling in a relationship, you will gain more what he wears, what he does at work, and how he loads the dishwasher-you husband to taking care of yourself, you may feel the urge to control him less. The road to better relationships always starts with you. Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version of. If your loved one seems to be in a controlling relationship, you can help by Connections with people outside the abusive relationship help them feel valued, capable, and less alone, They may be worried about the partner's well-being. Advocates who work with controlling and abusive relationships.
When we make our partner feel guilty for choosing to spend time with friends, for example, we actually shrink their world. Otherwise, we take the air and life out of the relationship. So how can you stop the possessive patterns in your relationship? The first step is to understand why you engage in controlling behavior, and the second step is to deal with the underlying feelings that drive you toward an unequal dynamic.
Most of us have some degree of fear and insecurity surrounding our close relationships. These feelings can spring from deeper struggles we have with trust, low self-esteem, fears of rejection, loss or intimacy itself. These deep-seated emotions can lead to a desire to control.
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Instead of exploring where these feelings come from, we tend to project them onto our partner and start acting out controlling behaviors that we hope will alleviate these painful feelings.
For example, we may on some core level feel unlovable or like no one would ever choose us.
This negative self-concept can lead us to act out all kinds of jealous or insecure behaviors with our partner. We may act victimized and wounded by any comment or action that we can construe as disregarding or rejecting. All of these behavior patterns have a lot more to do with us than our partner.
And most of them have deep roots in our past. As children, we developed strategies or defenses in an effort to protect ourselves from difficult or painful conditions. These early experiences shaped our expectations about relationships and the defenses we formed then still play out in our lives today.
8 Ways to Avoid Being Too Controlling in Your Relationship
That is why making sense of our own past and exploring our early attachment patterns can be very helpful in understanding our feelings of possessiveness as adults. As adults, we may project these feelings onto our partner, feeling like we need to make things happen, remind them to notice us, etc. We may have a lot of anxiety about their movement, fearing rejection or abandonment.
As a result, we relive the past, clinging or making efforts to control our partner, so we can feel secure. Unfortunately, because these feelings are rooted in our history, we rarely, if ever, get the reassurance we seek from acting out our old defenses in the present. Instead, we repeat patterns from our childhood, acting on our insecurities, and often pushing our partner further away in the process.
The patterns and defenses we form growing up may have been adaptive to our childhood, but they can hurt our current relationships. However, there are real steps we can take to break patterns of defensiveness and achieve an equal and trusting relationship. Enhance our sense of self — If insecurity is at the root of our possessive behavior, we have to start to look at ways to bring more self-compassion into our lives.
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We have to take steps to overcome our inner critic and truly accept that we are worthy and okay on our own, independent of anyone. We are strong and capable. Even if our worst fears come true, and our partner does reject or betray us, we have to know that our world will not end.
Resist engaging in jealous, authoritative, or punishing behaviors — Actions like surveillance will only alienate our partner and drive a wedge between us. So you try to "help them" change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over. You micromanage others to make them fit your often unrealistic expectations. You don't believe in imperfection and you don't think anyone else should either.
How to Stop Being Controlling in a Relationship
You judge others' behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations.
Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control. You offer "constructive criticism" as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda. You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you.
Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you. You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others.
This is also called fear mongering. You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.
You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others. You believe that if you can change another person's undesirable behavior, then you will be happier or more fulfilled. You make someone else responsible for how you feel. The thing is, you are only responsible for you.How To Stop Being Jealous - Techniques To End Jealousy Forever
The road to better relationships always starts with you. Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version of yourself.
Here are a few ideas: Be vulnerable with people.